


And now...?

by AnnaNSmith



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Afterlife, Evaluation, Gen, Heaven, Humor, Post 10x23, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-27
Updated: 2015-05-27
Packaged: 2018-04-01 14:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4023550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaNSmith/pseuds/AnnaNSmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After The Darkness swallows the boys whole, they end up in heaven. The radio voice tells them they died and are now meant to cruise an infinite patch of road for the rest of eternity. First task in heaven: do the obligatory evaluation!</p>
            </blockquote>





	And now...?

The Darkness approaches, massive and fast. The Impala is stuck in a ditch. The boys can only brace themselves as the Darkness swallows them whole.

One moment it's pitch black, the next it's clear weather and they're back on the road.

“Dean?” Sam asks, one grip still tight on Dean's shoulder. They look around bewildered, still ruffled, trying to figure out what just happened.

“Yeah?” Dean breathes heavily.

“What just happened?” Sam asks wide-eyed.

“Fricking Darkness is what happened,” his brother answers.

“Where are we?” He looks out of the window. That certainly isn't Nebraska.

“Forget where we are, how the hell are we driving?” Dean has both arms in the air, not doing anything to drive his baby and yet she is going at a steady pace along the seemingly never ending pavement. He looks at Sam expectantly, but the latter is just as baffled when he realizes they're moving on auto-pilot.

Dean tries to hit the brake. Nothing happens. He tries to get control of the steering wheel. Nothing happens.

“The damn Darkness broke my car!” Dean is furious.

“Calm down, Dean. I don't think that's really what's going on here.”  
  
“What the hell _is_ going on then?” He turns to Sam, still very much pissed.

“I don't know, Dean! But the self-driving Impala is probably our least problem!”

“WELCOME!” A cheery female voice blares through the radio. Both Winchesters jerk to the side, surprised by the sudden sound.

“Shit! Why don't you scare me to death while you're at it?!” Dean asks, trying to reel in the initial shock.

“I'M SORRY,” comes the robotic reply. Sam and Dean turn to each other utterly perplexed, neither has an answer to the whole madness though and the voice just continues. “DEAN AND SAMUEL WINCHESTER, WE WOULD LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO HEAVEN.”

“Heaven?” They respond in unison.

“YES, YOUR SOULS HAVE BEEN SENT TO HEAVEN AFTER YOU DIED.”

“Wait wait wait, we're dead? The Darkness killed us?” Sam asks, staring at the radio.

“YES.”

“Awesome,” Dean grunts, sarcasm oozing from the single word.

“So what, The Darkness has destroyed the planet?” Sam wants to know.

“I CANNOT SAY. I AM ONLY HERE TO GUIDE YOU THROUGH YOUR FIRST STEPS IN HEAVEN. SOULS DO NOT ENJOY LIBERTY OF KNOWLEDGE REGARDING WHAT IS HAPPENING ON THEIR MORTAL PLANE.”

“So what _can_ you tell us, Miss?” Dean asks, eyebrow raised.

“I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER'S SOUL AND SAMUEL WINCHESTER'S SOUL ARE HIGHLY COMPATIBLE. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE SOULMATES! YOU ARE BESTOWED WITH THE RARE PRIVILEGE OF SPENDING THE AFTERLIVE TOGETHER.”

The boys look at each other, both still trying to process the entire situation, but the message did relieve them somewhat. So, they might be dead, but at least they are dead together.

“So, this is our heaven? Cruising down an endless road?” Dean asks.

“HEAVEN IS SHAPED AFTER YOUR HAPPIEST MEMORIES.”

“We've been on the road all our lives. I guess it makes sense that we share heaven on the same memory,” Sam points out.

“As long as I've got my baby,” Dean just says. “But now what? We're just gonna chase a never ending sunset forever?”

“MINOR DETAILS MAY CHANGE, HOWEVER, YOUR PLACE WILL REMAIN AS IT IS.”

“Great,” Sam mutters, looking at his cramped legs.

“PLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO FILL OUT THE COMPULSARY EVALUATION. YOU WILL FIND THE QUESTIONNAIRE IN THE GLOVE COMPARTEMENT. ONCE YOU HAVE FINISHED, YOU MAY ENJOY THE REST OF TIME. THANK YOU FOR YOUR COOPERATION. THE ANGELS WISH YOU A PLEASANT AFTERLIFE.” With that the radio turned off again.

“Wait, what evaluation?” Dean shouts after, but the radio apparently has said want it wanted and left the boys to themselves now.

“I can't believe we're actually dead,” Sam says more to himself than to Dean. His brain says he should feel more upset about this, but the emotions don't seem to come. Heaven has some kind of power on their acceptance to their deaths.

“You and me both. This seems rather anti-climactic now.” Dean waves one hand around, vaguely gesturing to anything and nothing at all.

“So, what do we do now?”

“I don't know, Sammy, what can we do? Might as well do the evaluation,” Dean replies non-committally.

Sam opens the glove box and as promised finds a stack of paper there.

“What does it say?”

“The beginning just gives a brief introduction to heaven, basically much like what that woman told us. The questions only start at the next page,” Sam explains.

“Well, let's do this,” Dean says, hand on the steering wheel, noticing that he can finally take control of the car. “Heya, that's what I'm talking about.”

“Question Number 1,” Sam begins. “Would you consider the cause of your death appropriate?”

“What stupid question is that?” Dean bellows. “What kind of death do they consider appropriate?”

“I don't know. Maybe a natural death for old people, lung cancer for chain smokers, heart attack for an unhealthy diet?” Sam shrugs.

“Shove down the roof for Justin Bieber?” Dean quirks an eyebrow.

“Something like that,” Sam replies. “You think The Darkness was a just death?”

“I'd say so, I told you not to use the damn book of the damned.” Dean shakes his head disapprovingly. “Bad enough that we died, we probably nuked the whole world while we were at it. As much as I appreciated the five minutes mark free, what was the point if we ended up dead?”

“That wasn't exactly how I planned it...”

“You don't say.”

Sam meekly turns his attention back to the questionnaire. He circles Yes as their answer.

“Question Number 2: In retrospect how would you describe your life? Highly enjoyable, Good, Satisfactory, Acceptable, Dissatisfying.”

“Highly enjoyable? You kidding me? We've been beaten, stabbed, cut, clawed, bitten, shot, strangled, possessed, poisoned, hexed, bombed, branded, cursed, even freaking electrocuted throughout our lives. Would you call that highly enjoyable?”

“No, but we did kinda choose to live like this,” Sam argues. “We're hunters. Hunters kill evil. It comes with the job, you know.”

“Well, they could have been less dicks about it!” Dean complains, but acknowledges Sam's point. “Mark Acceptable then.”

“Would you say you have lived your life to its fullest potential?”

“I really don't like these questions. What are they gonna do with the answers anyway? I'm telling you any more of these stupid questions and I'm gonna torch this place,” Dean rants annoyed.

“Let's look at it this way, we've been hunters and when it comes to killing monsters we're pretty much the best out there, or were out there. We've killed almost everything at least once,” Sam says.

“Damn right we did. We killed demons, angels, leviathans,” Dean begins enumerating.

“Werewolves, vampires, skinwalkers,” Sam continues.

“Ghouls, kitsunes, rugarus.”

“Shapeshifters, wraiths, arachnes.”

“Cupids, sirens, and amazons.”

“Not to forget wendigos, ghosts, and rakshasas.”

“Add Shtriga and the Whore of Babylon to the list.”

“Yeah, and remember the changelings? Those creepy kids who fed on the parents?”

“Oh yeah, those were disgusting little sons of bitches,” Dean recalls and goes on. “And we actually dealt with real time dragons and fairies.”

“And all those demigods,” Sam groaned.

“They were a walk in the park compared to Crowley's bitches. That one hellhound we ganked wasn't nearly enough. We should have wasted them all!”

“That leaves us with witches,” Sam goes on.

“The four Horsemen,” Dean adds.

“Abbadon, a knight of hell.”

“And the big boss, Lucifer. Granted we didn't kill him, but we did the next best thing. Locked his sorry little ass up in the Cage,” Dean says.

“Yeah, but technically Lucifer was an angel,” Sam objects.

“He was big enough of a dick to get his own special place on the damned list, Sammy. And by that logic, Abbadon was a demon, too.”

“Alright, alright, but that's a pretty long list. In that sense we really lived up to our potential,” Sam pointed out.

“If you put it like this. How many more of these?” He asks.

“A couple more. Next one is,” Sam reads through the list. ”Have you found the meaning of life for yourself?”

“The meaning of life is to duck when angels and demons throw their shit at you and then toss it right back into their faces,” Dean answers almost immediately.

“Very poetic,” Sam comments amused.

“Well, it's the truth. Now gimme that list, what's the next stupid thing they want to know?” Dean took the papers from Sam and continued.

“We're at Number 6.”

“Do you believe you have done your part to contribute to the good of humanity?”

“We set out to kill everything supernatural in order to save humans. I'd say yes,” Sam replies.

“Yeah, but we also kickstarted the apocalypse, not to mention in our final act we unleashed The Darkness on earth,” Dean argues.

“But we also stopped the apocalypse and God actually made the lock that was supposed to keep The Darkness away, which was a curse by the way. So basically by giving Lucifer the Mark he cursed him, which let Cain to be cursed and eventually you. In the first place he should have found a better lock for The Darkness than the Mark of Cain. He abandoned us with it, so at least he should take some responsibility. He can't actually expect humans to clean up his mess,” Sam says. “I'm not saying it's not my fault for breaking the lock, but he let those cursed roam around bloodthirsty and basically immortal. Something had to be done.”

“Okay I get what you're saying, but I don't think it's enough to tip the scale in our favor,” Dean replies.

“We'll leave that open then.”

“Alright, next one,” Dean continues. “What has been your biggest achievement?”

“Again we could list locking Lucifer up here. We almost closed the gates of hell, but I don't think almost cuts it. Maybe stopping the Leviathans?” Sam asked Dean for his opinion.

Dean was silent for a moment, deeply pondering over the question. “I think the biggest achievement of our lives is still killing Yellow Eyed. Avenging Mom. Dad had lived for that moment, that's why we were raised hunters. The moment the bullet tore through his non-existent heart, I never felt more free. Finally, we could close that chapter, you know.”

Sam nods in agreement. Dean is right, Azazel had taken their mother and ruined their father. It was why they all became hunters. And even though they hadn't been free from his plan entirely, his death still marked the part of their new lives as hunters for the purpose of killing all evil and not only those that crossed their paths trying to avenge their mother.

“You're right. I'm glad we could do that for Mom,” Sam agrees. “And Dad.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Sam clears his throat once. “Next question?”

“Right, let's see.” Dean goes through the list. “Who was the most important person in your life?”

Sam huffed. “That's easy.”

“Yeah?” Dean eyes him expectantly.

“Shut up,” Sam laughed. “You don't agree?”

“I do,” Dean replies, an almost smug smile on his face. “Just want to hear it.”

Sam sighs, rolling his eyes. “The most important person in my life was always you, Dean.”

“I'm awesome.”

“You're awesome,” Sam repeats, shaking his head, eyes rolled up high. “Your turn,” he demands.

“Hmm,” Dean pretends to ponder. “If I had to choose, I'd say the most important person in my life was,” he stops, glancing over to Sam. “Probably Cas,” he finishes mischievously.

“Jerk.”

“Bitch,” he chuckles. “Sorry I forgot, there was this pain-in-the-ass little brother I fed, used to change his stinky diapers, read bedtime stories to, practically raise him and I even sold my soul for him. I guess that pretty much makes him the most important person of my life and apparently afterlife. There, you happy now?”

“You wanted to hear it,” Sam replies defensively, though it did make him very happy to hear Dean say it out loud.

Sam and Dean go through another three questions, leaving Dean utterly furious with the angels.  
  
“I swear to god, the next question asks about my feelings and emotions again, I'm gonna raise from the dead and burn them down,” Dean barks annoyed.

“Huh,” Sam mutters, distracted with the list. Dean had tossed it to him out of frustration after the last one asked about the love of their lives. “Nothing like that, but we'll not look very good with the next one.”

“What is it?”

“Out of the Ten Commandments, which did you not honor?”

“Where do we start...”

“Thou shalt not bear false witness,” Sam cites.

“Strike one.”

“Thou shalt not steal.”

“Strike two.”

“Thou shalt not commit adultery,” Sam says, looking straight at Dean.

“Hey, you were with that dog chick, wasn't she married?” Dean tries to shift the blame.

“We thought he was dead!” Sam defends himself.

“Does that really matter in front of God?” Dean cocks his eyebrow.

“Just shut up, you're one to speak,” Sam grumbles.

“Let's just say, we both did wrong,” Dean says, though not entirely able to stop being so smug about it. “What's the next one?”

“Thou shalt have no other gods before me.”

“I don't even have _one_ god I believe in,” Dean grunts.

“That's blasphemy. Another commandment we dishonored.”

“Don't forget the 'You shall not kill' one,” Dean points out. “Is there one commandment we didn't break?”

“The second one I guess. It's about idolatry,” Sam says.

“Good, what about the rest?”

“We can cross out 'Remember the Sabbath day', we didn't really keep it holy,” Sam replies. “Honor your parent.”

This time it was Dean's turn to glare. “I remember some pretty heated arguments between you and Dad.”

“So, that one is no good either,” Sam sighs. “Last one is 'Thou shalt not covet'. I guess I broke that one, too. I always wanted a normal life. I never understood why other kids could have that and I don't.”

“Wow, that makes nine out of ten. We must have set a new record,” Dean summarizes.

“You don't think they'll reconsider putting us in heaven when they see that, do you?” Sam asks seriously uneasy about that possibility.

Dean looks at him, contemplating.

The silence stretches until Dean takes the papers and tosses it out of the window.

“Gone now,” Dean says matter-of-factly.

“Don't you think they'll find out eventually?” Sam lingers on the paper littered road behind them.

“I had enough of these sons of bitches anyway. What do you say we raise some hell up here?” Dean looks at Sam mischievously.

“You can't be serious,” Sam says nearly shocked, staring at his brother wide-eyed.

“Oh, I am as serious as a flask of holy oil and a lighter,” Dean replies smirking and jerks his head toward the back. “My happiest memories include my brother, my baby, and a trunk full of all kinds of supernatural killing weapons. What do you say, little brother, care to shake heaven up a little?”


End file.
